What My Heart Wants To Say
by kittykat2015
Summary: One shot for the Love Letters Challenge on LJ, in the LWFAW universe. A brief respite during Ennis and Jack's lovemaking marathon during their Valentine's trip, 1965. They've written each other love letters as a present, giving voice to what they feel.


**What My Heart Wants To Say**

A light rain was falling outside the cabin, making everything seem quieter than usual. The two figures on the bed were fast asleep, tangled up in the bed sheets and taking a much-needed break from their day of lovemaking.

Jack stirred without opening his eyes and turned onto his front, burying his nose in his soft pillow that smelled of sweat and other bodily fluids; a smell that always gave him comfort.

The letters were on the table, lying open where they had been read earlier and then abandoned in favour of other activities.

_Dear Ennis,_

_I know that when I suggested we write each other letters this year you were uneasy, because you're always saying that you're no good with words, despite what I say. This couldn't be further from the truth, bud. You've always been real good to me where words are concerned, ever since we got together after Brokeback._

_I honestly can't believe we've been together for nearly two years already. It's just flown by, huh? Every now and then I look around our place and I feel so lucky to have this, and to have you. You told me that when you were growing up you always thought you wouldn't amount to much in life. I grew up thinking the same thing, and look at us now. We're successful ranchers, we wear matching rings, we have a family and we've even got friends who know about us. Life couldn't be sweeter if you ask me. _

_I really want to thank you, Ennis, for everything you've given me. You found someone up on Brokeback who, deep down, was very scared of the world and what he might have to do to survive. He'd been hurt by his own father and, despite what you might think, he wasn't going to trust just anybody. You got him to trust you and even love you, to the point where you became dependant on each other, and you in turn could trust and love him. You helped him through that, and now he's thanking you._

_You've made me very happy, Ennis, and I want you to remember that whenever you start to doubt yourself. You're my best friend and my whole world too, and no matter what happens, I will always love you. I know we've had our first rocky patch recently, but that's okay. We got through it and we fixed it. Our love surviving means so much to me, and you mean more to me than anything else._

_That's all I wanted to say, I guess. Just...that I'm really happy, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so much and I hope I make you as happy as you make me. Here's hoping we have many years left in us, because I want to grow old with you and have us die in each other's arms, peacefully and where we belong. _

_Happy Valentine's Day, cowboy. _

_All my love,_

_Your Jack _

Ennis stirred and turned onto his side, seeing that Jack was lying on his front with his face in his pillows. He smiled to himself and shuffled over, snuggling up to Jack's warmth and letting a hand rest across Jack's shoulders. Jack's blue eyes opened a fraction and they smiled at each other before settling down again.

_Dear Jack,_

_I've been really nervous about writing this, so I'm getting Becky to read it over to make sure it's okay. I know you told me to just write what I feel, but the truth is...I don't know if I can find the words to do my feelings justice._

_You know how I was back on Brokeback, I was really closed up. Grew up thinking nobody would pay me much attention, or think that anything I had to say could be worth hearing. You threw me for a loop with all your questions, breaking through those walls I had. You were the first to do that, and I want to say thank you for that, because if you hadn't, and we hadn't got together, I hate to think where I might be right now. Sure wouldn't be as happy as I am._

_Can't believe it's been nearly two years, bud. Never been so happy in all my life, and you did that. You made me happy and made me believe I deserved to be happy. Gave me a new way of looking at things, a better way. You've done so much for me, and I hope I've done something for you, too. Sure hope I make you happy, Jack, because you sure make me happy._

_Happiest time of my life was when we got married in August. Was just so perfect and...you looked so happy that day. Don't ever mind what your daddy said to you while you were growing up, all the times he put you down. I know he made you think you wouldn't be good for nothing, but he was wrong. I couldn't do all the things I have if you hadn't been with me, holding me up when I doubted myself. You've always been real good to me, and I love you. I want to do right by you, always. I try every day, and I must be doing something right. I hope you know what you mean to me, even if I can't quite find the words I want so I can tell you._

_Anyway, just wanted to say what I've been thinking on, as best I can. I hope you like this, that it measures up to yours, because I know yours will be good. Hope we have the rest of our lives together, and longer if it's possible. It's always been you, and it always will be._

_Happy Valentine's Day, darlin'._

_Love you so much,_

_Your Ennis _

Jack scooted closer to Ennis, who took him in his arms and kissed him, before finding themselves ready for another round, everything blurring away and time standing still.


End file.
